“Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi… spoke powerfully of India’s horrendous rape problem. ‘I want to ask every parent that you have a daughter of 10 or 12 years age, you are always on the alert, every now and then you keep on asking where are you going, when would you come back… Parents ask their daughters hundreds of questions, but have any parents ever dared to ask their son as to where he is going, why he is going out, who his friends are? After all, a rapist is also somebody’s son. He also has parents.’

It was a remarkable thing to say, the result of a new discourse in that country in which many are now starting to blame perpetrators, not victims — to accept, as campus anti-rape activists here put it, that “rapists cause rape.” That act, in other words, is not caused by any of the everyday activities women have been blamed for when men assault them.” http://goo.gl/da2Ayf

 

Generally when sexual assault is discussed, people speak about how a woman can avoid being assaulted. A woman should not drink too much. A woman should not dress in a revealing manner. A woman should not walk home alone. Or more broadly, a woman should learn to avoid all dangerous environments.

The problem with these statements is two-fold. Any environment can prove dangerous to a woman- her home, her car, a friend’s house, a boyfriend’s house, a street corner, etc. And secondly, these statements place the onus of sexual assault solely on women’s shoulders. The role men play in sexual assault is not mentioned. And it is men that are, for the most part, committing sexual assault against women. The victim of sexual assault is held to task for her behavior, while the man, the actual perpetrator of the crime, is not mentioned. Or rather, he is a victim lured in by a woman in a short skirt. The responsibility of the crime is hers, not his.

That is why the above quote from Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi is so important. In India, the rape culture is particularly pervasive. In this statement, Modi not only addresses the serious issue of rape, but also the way the problem is spoken about. Parents ask their daughters to be accountable for their whereabouts, but why don’t they ask their sons the same questions? It is men who are committing these crimes against women. So why aren’t we worried about what these young men are up to? Why aren’t we speaking to them about sexual assault? Why aren’t we explaining to them a women walking alone is not asking to be assaulted? Or a woman wearing a short skirt is not a tease who deserves to be sexually assaulted? Or telling them a woman who has had too much to drink should not be seen as an easy target?

Words matter. We need to change the way sexual assault is viewed and discussed in this country and throughout the world. We need to discuss who is responsible for sexual assault. We need to state clearly that victims can do nothing to cause their assaults.

“Rapists cause rape…A rapist is also somebody’s son.”

So talk to your son. Talk to your brother, your dad, your cousins, your friends. Tell them what consent means. Tell them what behavior is appropriate. Take them to task if they make inappropriate comments about sexual assault.

The way sexual assault is spoken about is changing, and we need to continue this conversation.